Sunday, June 28, 2009

Now Let Me Get This Straight

This is me at the Ted Stevens Anchorage International Airport, trying to see Russia.

Let me get this straight. Sarah Palin can parade her progeny over the flat screens of America without anyone noticing her family is comically dysfunctional. She can be a soccer mom with a ready sucker punch, but a succor-seeking simp when anyone else strikes. She can see Russia from Alaska, but can’t see how in over her head she is.

IF I understand Rush Limbaugh—and please note that’s a big IF—he holds President Obama responsible for South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s infidelity. That’s right, yesterday’s Gospel According to Rush is: if the President had been handling the economy better, and if, according (I think) to Rush, the governor hadn’t gone through the strain of having to turn down the federal stimulus money he was offered for his state, he wouldn’t have two-timed his wife with his Argentine Inamorata. I get it, Rush—it was principle over principal! So how is it, I want to ask, that Mark Sanford can turn down 700 million dollars for his state, but can’t turn down a piece of ass?

So let me get this straight. The Party of NO, formerly known as the party of “family values” (mostly to itself), can say no to everything but extra-marital sex. “Just Say No”—to all vices, as Nancy Reagan would have it—only pertains to Democratic legislation these days.

I’m trying to sort this out. Republicans are angry because they had unchecked power for eight years, abused it, and left the world much worse off than the way they found it. They’re offensively on the offensive because they’re defensive because they were misgoverned by the world’s most narcissistic, elite left-behind child, a president who didn’t really want to preside over anything but the workouts he blithely put before work, and through thick and thin mostly went AWOL on his country.

Now let me try to get this straight. George W. Bush, a man whose most complete sentences end in non sequiturs, is writing a book. Will he go absent without leave by Chapter Two? I try to get into W’s head to imagine who could edit such a book, and… By George, I’ve got it!—Brownie could do a heck of a job!

And while we’re all waiting to see that book:
If I understand anything, Newt Gingrich is cagily running for president; Mitt Romney is blatantly running for president again!; and Dick Cheney is running off at the mouth again and again. Karl Rove is running in place; Tom Delay is running to find a place; and ill will is running rampant. McCain is running down; Ensign, Craig and Vitter are running on empty; and Sanford will be running for cover.

Does all of the above conveniently exclude Democrats? Not in the least. The distinction is that all of the above includes hypocrites—sanctimonious phonies getting away with hiding in glass houses far too long while hurtling stones wrapped in mock morality and bound with those disingenuous family values.

I intend to continue working on getting it straight.

photo: Amy F.J. Stone


  1. There are two sides to every mattress. An ass lies on one and an elephant on the other and from the girth of both animals the bed collapses from the weight of hyprocisy.

    At 82 Daniel Inouye gets the Congressional Medal of dishonor for multiple allegations of sexual harassment in the 80's.

    The "brilliant" Barney Frank ( if George W was the "decider" Barney must be the Collapser) hired a male prostitute who ran a boys for hire ring from Barney's apartment.

    Gerry Studds ( I swear I didn't make it up)was censured for sex with an underage male page.

    And let us never forget ole Bill Clinton who gave the American English language a new term for fellatio: The Lewinsky. And of course the murderer Teddy Kennedy who put Chappaquidick on the map.

    In the spirit of equal time Democrats have been as misled by their no no place ( my son's name for it at 5 years old) as Republicans. The real glee for haters of all things political (myself at the top of that list please) will be when Nancy Pelosi, having spent more money on plastic than Michael Jackson, is found in an amorous relationship with a male blow up doll from Adam and Eve.

    Moral means "relating to principals of right and wrong in behavior". Politics means "the art or science of government". When you combine the two you get a group of people who practice moralitics "the art and science of running a government by telling people what right and wrong behavior is without having to practice anything but the wrong behavior". Hence mock morality is a prerequisite of being ANY politician.

  2. Tina Faye on SNL was the one who said (playing Sarah Palin) that she could see Russia from her porch. Palin never said it.

  3. What she said was "They're our next door neighbors, and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska". Here she is on tape: The most brillian man in America said he had visited 57 states. They're all idiots.

  4. W is writing a memoir? Ha! I'll believe it's his only if the first draft is written entirely in crayon:

    "A heck of a job!": The Live of George W. Bush.
    by George W. Bush
    Forward by George Washington (Heh! I'm just joking. The foreword is by me.)

  5. Rush Limbaugh blaming the economy firstly on Obama to begin with (stimulus money denied aside and what an ass that makes him)but then blaming Sanfor'ds affair on it... genius... He is pure comedy at this point and it scares me to the core to think that people listen to what he says as anything but... Good piece. Thanks for it!

  6. I personally think that Obama is missing the mark on energy. If he were to tap into the hot air that comes out of Rush Limbaugh and Keith Olberman we could probably power the country for a year. In the opening sequence of the Monday "Countdown" (assuming Olberman can count without help) he showed Rudy Giuliani saying that "politicians having an affair isn't a Democrat or Republican Issue", Keith then proceed to say something to the effect of "yea but only Democrats step down, or get impeached." Simultaneously showing pictures of Spitzer and Clinton. Didn't he realize one stepped down for being caught up in a prostitution ring and the other was impeached for lying under oath?

    I personally think that it should be an FCC requirement that Rush, Keith, Maddow, Beck and the like should all have to appear on air in Bozo the Clown make-up with a circus calliope playing in the background. The best remedy for all these talking heads is to just turn the TV off, or watch it with the sound down making funny noises. The vast American wasteland indeed!

  7. "They're all idiots"
    Steve Eskow

    AMEN Steve

    what's most scary to me is the current group of Idiots has the power to send us down a path that we may not be able to reverse in time

    Wysiwyg aka Fred Pood

  8. Thanks Fred. Edmund Burke said it best when he said " All that is needed for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." I would love to find 8 other men in NY who are willing to form a minion to expose the evil that proves that the masses are asses and get entirely what they deserve. A nation of sheep is following a wolf's den ( let's include Blitzer while we're at it) intent on devouring the meat of democracy. While they stand behind the privileges (not rights) of the first amendment they decry any one else who does so in a way contrary to their own. They stand up for the poor and demand a better environment while returning to their 4000 square foot homes in their 8 MPG SUV's. Fred, WE give the idiots the power. We have allowed them to run the asylum. It's time for us to take it back.