Tuesday, March 30, 2010


In an earlier entry on this blog, "What, and Get Out of Politics?", I proposed an amendment to the constitution, The Stay Home Amendment. Subtitling it “New Conditions For Congressional Officeholders,” I advocated we elect congressional candidates for terms to be served at home. Instead of sending them to Capitol Hill, we post them to their families—and their own beds.

I see now why I had no support from either side of the aisle, nary a Republican or Democrat. I was threatening to blight the glands that feed their libidos. Noblesse oblige will oblige itself freely, especially when free from obligations like tending the lawn, and children. Heroes at home, paragons of personal sacrifice and role models to the media, when the saints go marchin’ in to distant boudoirs, they’re not likely to stop until they get caught with their pants down.

It doesn’t begin and end inside the Beltway either. I was shortsighted, thinking Washington when I should have been casting my net all the way from the halls of governors’ mansions to the shores of icons’ estates. I’ve seen a video of Tiger’s wife and villa. There’s no place like home.

Reaching back a few years, there’s also no place like religion for infidelity and tears. Witness Jimmy Swaggart and Jim Bakker. There’s also no place like Hollywood, where actors who don’t “do” contrite act sincere, throwing in a few broad grins to convince you that you owe them an apology. Mel Gibson is not an anti-Semite—it was the firewater speaking. Alec Baldwin did not leave his daughter a frighteningly abusive telephone message—he was speaking to her as a father. There’s also no place like the music business, where rich and famous rappers publicly admit they abuse their rich and famous girlfriends because… they love them!

What do they all learn? Not much, it appears. The lesson is ours: power corrupts—those who have it and every one else in reach.

Notice, not a woman to impale on the Pickle poll! I pondered nailing a woman Supreme Court judge in flagrante delicto. The closest I was able to come to catching Sandra Day O’Connor swinging was to discover she and her husband hosted the Bushes at all their Christmas parties, but—to her and his dismay, they couldn’t socialize with them at all after Sandra provided the decisive swing vote in Bush v. Gore that had the effect of determining George W would become president. She owes the country an apology.

In closing: The Pickle Award poll’s parameters don’t encompass pedophilia, a transgression far too heinous to be treated lightly. But when it comes to public apologies, wouldn’t it be nice to see a Pope step up?
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This week’s Pickle Award question comes from Steven Eskow, who cordially agreed to let me rework it. (Either that, or he couldn’t have the small token of our gratitude we don’t have for him yet.)

If health care reform hadn’t worn people to a frazzle, I would have put Steve’s question briefly on the back burner and The Pickle Award reward that hasn’t come into existence yet would have gone to “Elsie,” who I have hopes will reveal herself some time—if for no other reason than to let me know where to send her gift.

The Poll will remain posted in the upper left corner for two weeks.


  1. I vote for Randy Neugebauer for this week's Pickle.

  2. I wish you could include the Pope, but something tells me that jerk would rather absolve another dozen Holocaust deniers than apologize for anything.

  3. How sad that trying to pick an answer is difficult because there isn't one choice that is better than the other. Any chance of a multiple tie?
    Ms. Anonymous.

  4. Mark, if Neugebauer made anything like a genuine apology, I missed it. When we get to an "unrepentant" award, I'll be sure to include him. As with "the apologists," the list will be far too long to include all those who belong on it. That is why "Other" and "Comments" is so important to me. Thanks for adding yours.

    Anonymous, there is every "chance of a multiple tie." That's why we thought "multiple answers" was appropriate for the improprieties and mea culpas recognized and "awarded" by this particular poll. Too late to vote early, but you can vote often. Thanks.

  5. Elsie points out that Monsieur Le Renard could have added one more choice "all of the above". Each man listed defines reprehensible in new and more revolting ways.
    Bart Stupid, the Paragon of Morality, caves to the temptations of the She-Devil Pelosi, and he is applauded for his open-mindedness. Yet when Wilson and Neugebauer express their frustrations with the alleged transparent process ( You lie...babykiller) we want to kheel haul them!??!? The Supreme Court is Corrupt but giving the Senator from Louisiana 300 million for her vote is ok? And when do people stop blaming Monsieur Bush? All you smarter than ANY president, why have you never run for the office then!?!? The other side is unreasonable so the best way to deal with them is to be more unreasonable? I'm afraid humans have lost their collective minds and souls.
    Elsie is happy to be bovine. You people are udderly shamless. Elsie is sad. Cows shouldn't be sad. Elsie is going to seek more peacful leas, without the benefit of unreasonable people. Harumph!
    Elsise is a h

  6. Elsie was udderly remiss; she didn't read the italics at the bottom of the entry.

    Elsie's fool.

  7. Ah, but that I had a large enough boulder to cast, I would cast it upon the entire socio-political structure that has grown to require us, this motley crew of voyeuristic saints and sinners and finger-pointers, to endure ANY of these figureheads answering for their private, king-for-a-day antics as opposed to a single apology from *anyone* for, say, relentless public water supply pollution or even incessant filibustering? (How's THAT for a run-on sentence?) ;-)